Dichotomy/Cognitive Dissonance/First Rate Intelligence

Dichotomy : a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.
Cognitive Dissonance: the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
First Rate Intelligence: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

My oppositeness has always puzzled me. It is hard to figure out who or what you are when the aspects of your personality are in such drastic opposition to each other. Or so they seem.

No one is all one thing or another, our personalities have myriad aspects  but I think we tend to be more one way than another. Yes? No?

In an online comment exchange recently it was observed that I have a very strong sense of self. And that is true. I have realized/noticed that myself and it puzzles me only because I have always lacked self-confidence, a sense of self worth or that I deserved anything good.

At home, I was told constantly that I was a worthless piece of shit. Fat. stupid, ugly, useless. I was encouraged to commit suicide. I used to get terrible migraine headaches and whenever the mother saw me taking a boatload of Bufferin she always remarked “Why don’t you take the whole bottle and kill yourself, you’re worthless”

Outside of home, I was told I was smart, talented, pretty even. I won prizes. People praised me and were really nice to me.

I can’t recall how I processed these opposing assessments. I suppose I didn’t. I just maintained two opposing beliefs/attitudes about myself at the same time.

No point to this really, just thought I would like to articulate it. My inferiority complex seems to co-exist quite comfortably with my superiority complex. Perhaps someone knows the psychology behind my dichotomy…which kinda rhymes.


For the first time in a month

We can actually see blue skies! I exaggerate only a tiny bit, in the last 28 days I do believe we had 2.5 consecutive days with NO rain – the rest of the month – grey skies, and rain  most of those days,

So with this beauteous weather I got to go out for a walk! Yay!

Everything is green and pretty much nothing else – all the color is gone except for green – hoo-boy is everything green. No Fall colors yet, leaves don’t show even a hint of changing, I did find this bit of color – a last hurrah I guess


I noticed a lot of squirrels today and they were busy, busy, busy but the one alarming thing I noticed is – they are very tiny. They look the size of Spring squirrels not Fall squirrels. And I saw a lot of black squirrels which are not really native to the United States, much less Virginia. Normally they are smaller than grey squirrels and they are a whole heck of a lot faster. I love the the story of how black squirrels came to live in Northern Virginia. I was lucky to get a photo of this little feller (the zoom on my crap point and shoot sucks!)


There is a lamp post on my walk that I totally love, me being a gargoyle fan – I played with the photo a lot – kinda fun I think


Very popular in this area are ornamental grasses and they have grown like weeds, which maybe they are. I took a photo of some and then played with editing and posted it over on my photo blog if you want to take a quick peek.



The new fridge was quickly operational even if not in its proper place, I’m not too sure how many folks keep their fridges in their living room.

The first order of business, aside from plugging it in, was arranging the carefully curated refrigerator decor. (If you want to be able to read my fridge you have to right click/open in new tab for the full size of the photo.) And, yes, everything on my fridge has been carefully chosen and reflects who my husband and I are.

For us old folks that calendar is an essential element of our lives – some months are chock-a-block with medical appointments, a mainstay of  the ‘social’ commitments of the elder life.

Most of the others were gifts from my husband to me – and the others were gifts from me to me…

So there’s my life – on my refrigerator door.

There is much joy in my world today

Many deliveries scheduled for today – my couch (which I showed you in this post) and my fridge and stove.

The couch had a delivery time of between 8 and Noon, it was here by 8:45am! Easy peasy delivery, unpack and put together – Joy! It needs *gag* throw pillows and I’ve bought those, they should be here by Friday. I’ll post a pic when the the couch is all decorated. I may have to crochet new kitty blankets because, as you may or may not remember, the couch is a washed grey with tangerine cushions and the kitty blankets are purple and yellow. The throw pillows I bought are silver grey – so with the kitty blankets, too many colors!

The fridge and stove had a delivery window of between 10am and 2pm, with the caveat that they might be late depending on other deliveries and traffic, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what bunkies? They were delivered at 10:45am! Bam!

We had to put the handles on the doors, I did that, because my husband, Mr. Shaky, couldn’t get the screws in. For someone who is not exactly Mr. Fix-it, my husband has many tool sets, one set, for some perverse reason has square handles! Ever try putting in screws with a square handled screwdriver? I practically flung that thing across the room. Had to dig around for a screwdriver with a round handle – that worked, done and done.

If you’ve been riding along with me for all these years then you know I am a minimalist, basic, utilitarian person and my stove and fridge are the most basic of basic appliances. Pretty much like my kitchen reno – no bells and whistles. I am so happy.

New fridge is smaller than what we had because mostly our fridge was always pretty empty – so I got an 18 cu ft, 30 inch wide Whirlpool. (If you click the link to see it and the specs, have no fear, I DID NOT pay the MSRP).

As for the stove – for the past 10 years I have been living with stoves that have power burners, the most exasperating feature on a stove. I’ve spent these years with the damn power burner stoves burning food. If you know how to cook then you don’t need no friggin’ power burner! Death to power burners! Finding a gas stove without these horrors was one hell of a trick but – we found a no bells and whistles stove from Frigidaire. (Again, I did not pay the MSRP). This stove does have a ‘simmer’ burner but that’s okay, I actually find those useful.  The only thing more basic than this stove would be a camp fire. I love this!

So it has been a totally joyous day. Our kitchen reno job supervisor said there was a possibility that the countertops will be installed next Monday! It’s just a faint possibility because countertops can take up to 2 weeks to get prepared for installation but who knows, my luck and my joy might hold out.

I am one happy, happy camper today, you betcha!

Despite the fact that…

~ I have spent my life interacting and speaking to inanimate objects I simply can’t get with the voice activated world. I do not talk to my phone or my computer or my iPad. I don’t talk to my tv remote. And I sure as hell don’t talk to Siri, Alexa or whatever the hell the Google thing is called (does it even have a name?).

It’s not just the privacy issue as it pertains to data collecting but the privacy issue of someone in the general vicinity listening. It’s like aural hovering, and we all know how much I hate hovering.

~ I don’t decorate, for the seasons or any other reason, minimalist that I am, but I have such admiration for people who do it, especially when they do it well.  My friend Ann, just did up her home for Autumn and posted some pics, and it looks quite lovely. Not overdone or extreme, not oostsy-cutesy but very warm and inviting. Really nice, I like it.

~ I am always whinging and whining and kvetching I really am a basically happy person. Now that I look at that, is happy the right word? Certainly not content. I hate the word ‘content’ and that whole concept because content to me means you’ve given up and given in and you’ll just make do with the way things are. I hate that idea. I live that concept but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. So – maybe not happy but certainly not depressed, at least not for extended periods of time. I don’t know what I am but believe this or not, I am more positive than negative. Hah!

“… And the horse you rode in on”

This morning during that time between asleep and awake, some scenario was playing out in my semi-conscious which included the phrase “screw you and the horse you rode in on”.

I remember my father using that phrase, and yes back in those innocent times the word was ‘screw’ not ‘fuck’, tho research has revealed that even back in those days fuck was used, but not by my father. So off to Google the origin of the phrase and it was enlightening and fun.

First, the meaning. “It’s basically a way of saying screw you while commenting on how entitled or arrogant the person is” (Scott M. Stolz, Entrepreneur, Educator, Author).

More fun, all the discussions of this phrase reference an article by William Safire back in 1998, the best part being “One Editor Michael Seidman recalls hearing the phrase while growing up in the Bronx in the 1950s. He remembers hearing people say, “…and the white horse you rode in on and all your relatives in Brooklyn.”

Now that makes perfect sense to me since we were living in the Bronx back in the 1950’s and that’s where my father was born and grew up, in the shadow of Yankee Stadium. I don’t remember him using the Brooklyn reference but still when I read that, I just had to laugh – so something my father would say.

Back in the old days New Yorkers were very provincial, very protective of the borough they called home. You weren’t from New York City you were from Brooklyn or Queens or The Bronx or Staten Island. People who lived in Manhattan lived in ‘the city’ and us other borough people would refer to Manhattan as such. If you worked in Manhattan you worked in ‘the city’.

I wrote an extensive essay about how we NY’ers view ourselves and our city, if you want the backstory you can read it here.

For many years I was physically ill from homesickness for New York City, I’ve gotten over that but NYC is totally who and what I am. So many things that people find odd or strange about me are just things that are New York – no big deal and common as dirt for those of us who come from there.

I’m going to do something dangerous here and assume y’all have heard this phrase before. If you haven’t let me know, and share some phrase that you feel is native to where you come from.

Miscellaneous Mishegoss #472.79

I don’t really know how many miscellaneous mishegosses I have done over the years but it just seemed like this needed a number so I made one up.

~ When I woke this morning the first thing that I was conscious of was that all last night my dreams were about dreaming. I was dreaming other dreams in my dreams. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

~ I am constantly aware of all the things I do not know and it makes my head hurt. And I want to ask people “What does that mean?” I’m not talking about serious matters here – I just betcha physics is the most fascinating subject in the universe but try as I might I don’t understand any of it, well maybe just a tiny bit but not enough to make me happy.

I’m talking about the ordinary nonsense people share and talk about while making idle conversation. Social media is chock-a-block with references, memes, music, book reviews that I do not understand. Often, after I have looked them up, attempted to research them to make sense of them, I still don’t understand, I still don’t get the point.

~ Can I whinge a bit about inspirational claptrap? Please? Just a little? There is a link in the menu that runs across the top of the blog “Inspirational Crap I Collect” and it links to my tumblr blog where I put such stuff. The stuff I can actually relate to.

I would list some of the claptrap that annoys me most but I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. Folks take a lot of this stuff to heart, they actually make adjustments to their lives based on it. Don’t get me wrong, some of it useful and valid and some of it, okay most of it, just makes me want to scream “Grow up, be responsible, what are you stupid or something”

Penny ante pop psychology – need help coping? Please find a real therapist, you know one with specific education, training and a license.

~ All and sundry are waxing poetic about the beginning of Fall/Autumn. And certainly it is worth waxing poetic about. Autumn, my very favorite season, which I won’t write about again, at this time, but I have before.

But the joys and gloriousness of Autumn does not ever include pumpkin spiced anything except pie –