Today is October 1st. The mother, if she is still alive, is 102.
I looked up my niece on FB and last December she posted a photo of her and her grandmother – if the picture was current then the mother was still alive then. She could have died between then and now, I have no way of knowing.
Yes, I could ask my niece but I promised her I would not contact her. “Why not?” you say. Well, her father is my elder male sibling, who I have not spoken to in over 40 years – in my opinion, and from my experience, he is not someone I would care to be associated with.
Some years ago I was in contact on a regular basis with my niece, a very accomplished woman, but it was causing conflict with her father so I backed off. The woman just doesn’t need that kind of drama in her life not do I wish to be the cause of any such drama.
I haven’t spoken to my younger brother is something like 4 years. I love my brother dearly, I raised him. If he needed a heart transplant I would volunteer, and as much as I would die for him I don’t want to interact with him anymore. I am too old for his drama. He is a very angry man, has been since forever. And I can’t deal with it. His anger causes him to be abusive towards me and quite frankly I’ve had enough abuse from family members.
For years I have suggested my brother seek professional counseling – he blows up, yells, screams, hollers abuse. I stopped suggesting it. His anger has thoroughly effed up his life; he is deeply unhappy. But I can no longer suffer from his unhappiness and anger. It is debilitating for me, it is unhealthy for me.
But I worry about him, and to some extent I do miss him – I just can’t bear the anger anymore.
So I sit and wonder about my family – the ones I love and the ones I am merely curious about because I am perverse that way.
Happy October (?)