Missed connections

I describe myself as an introvert yet, like most human beings, I am not all one thing or another. I have elements of extroversion, strong elements actually, and they have a name for that. (Of course they do because humans MUST put a name to everything. god forbid something might just BE, in a generic sort of way, kinda like god. Yeah, that’s a rant for another time.) The name is ambivert. Read about it or not, as you wish, but it just means what I said in the first two sentences.

I have been living as a hermit for maybe, 8 years now, and it has taken its toll in my energy levels. Physically, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I draw my energy in all those areas from being around people. I am NOT an emotional vampire,  tho I have been victimized (for lack of a better term) by them.

connectionThrough my maternal DNA I have inherited the talent/skill of being able to read people, more commonly known as psychic/medium. Like any talent/skill, be it music, math, art, dance etc, it must be practiced to maintain any proficiency. Thing is, you need to be around people to read people. And I’m not. And I miss that connection. Those connections. I miss that energy.

Even physical energy – when I am in a high energy place my physical energy levels increase, I absorb the energy of traffic and hustle and bustle. It is exhilarating. It is joyful.

Absorbing energy, whether from people or places, is also exhausting – emotionally exhausting as well as physically exhausting, so being able to pull back and isolate is necessary for my mental and physical health.

But being in almost complete isolation is also a bad thing – for me. I’m used to having these psychic connections and I miss them. Whether it was sharing a connection with a passing stranger or someone who has passed over – I enjoyed those connections. They weren’t always happy, to feel someone’s confusion, hurt, anger can be draining, and sad. But I got to absorb positive energy and peacefulness and joy.

I miss my connections.

10 thoughts on “Missed connections

  1. I wish you could have those psychic connections. That’s such an incredible ability and not many have it. I understand so much of this post. I was becoming a hermit too so as part of my health journey, my word for the fall is connection. I didn’t think I needed nor did I want to connect but it’s what made me sign up for boot camp so I at least got out among people. As with everything I’ve done on this journey, it’s been life changing in several ways. I’m not as much of an introvert, I enjoy the support from the other women at boot camp and I’m getting stronger too! Connection was the key!

    I encountered an emotional vampire at our retreat in CA recently. She hadn’t come as far on her health journey and was bringing me down to her level where I don’t ever want to go again. I later found out she did this to many people so she’s been booted out of Project Healthy Body. We can’t have negativity undoing the progress of the other 100 women including me!

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    1. Perhaps that woman needed the group more than others – to pull her out of her negative space. Of course that might involve professional help. And one has to recognize that there is a problem before one can start solving it.

      Exercising alone is such a bummer – when we lived in Filthadelphia I joined a gym and had a trainer 2 days a week, the third day I worked alone so you can guess which day I missed most often LOL (Plus of course I WAS paying the trainer). But I had so much fun working out with someone. Some things are most definitely better with someone to share it with.

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  2. If it weren’t for going to work I would most likely be a total hermit. Now that it’s just me, on my days off I have no desire to go anywhere and no one ever comes here. Sometimes I’m fine with it and other times not so much. The not so much days must be the ones where I’m not in full blown introvert mode

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    1. When I was younger and working and busy and involved in so many things, like LIFE, I would say I wanted to live on a deserted island. Now that I do, metaphorically speaking, I realize how wretched that is. Yes, I NEED my alone time, a total necessity for me, but I also NEED ‘people’ time. Needing both – I expect that is a normal human need. I don’t think needing people ALL the time is normal or healthy, just as NOT needing to be around people is normal or healthy either.

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  3. And the connection, of sorts, with people on the internet doesn’t fill your need? You must be in their physical presence? I too am a hermit, you could say, but it pleases me. I have no desire for physical interaction with most people on the planet nor any desire to be somewhere that others are. I love my blogging friends. Interacting with them & reading about their lives is more than enough for me. But knowing that fact is not helping you one bit, is it. 😦 I hope you can manage somehow to find the courage and be out amongst people again…. to get your connection fix. Lovingly, Andrea xoxo

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    1. Yes, I need to be physically around people – to speak with them, see them, react to them. Otherwise I just may as well be talking to myself – physical interaction is important to a human beings mental and physical health – and that’s a fact.

      I don’t understand the reference to ‘courage’ – what does that have to do with it? I am not agoraphobic, I am simply living in a location that lacks accessibility – nothing within walking distance, limited public transportation, and in this particular part of the world nothing really of great interest. When my disability first kicked in I lived in a location that had fabulous accessibility and lots of things/places to go to and do and even for gimpy me they were all easy to access. I was still working, albeit part-time, I had friends to share time and activities with – me and my cane and walker were always out and about – here, there is nothing and no one.

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  4. I’m sorry, Grace…. I did not know why you were not out amongst people. I presumed it was indeed agoraphobia since, with modern technology, most people can get to where they want to go fairly easily. If people are your great interest, then I would think a trip to the grocery store would even suit you. Can you not move to somewhere more suitable? I’m sorry but I don’t know your circumstances. I “gimp” too, needing bi-lateral knee replacements. I am in a great deal of pain most of the time. I broke my back almost 3 years ago and while it is all healed, it has left me with bowel involvement… which means that when I have to go poop, I have to go NOW. That fact doesn’t lend itself well to going places. I order my groceries online, I order all gifts online, my life’s needs are basically purchased online. I guess some “facts” don’t apply to me, as my mental health is just fine not having a lot of physical human interaction. I’m 62 years old now & have had quite enough of humanity’s “physical interaction” to last me the rest of my lifetime. I much prefer the company of my woodland creatures and beings…. as well as cherished human online friends. I hope you can either adjust favorably to your surroundings or change them. Lovingly, Andrea xoxo

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    1. That video is a hoot – you’re absolutely right, sweet little bear twisted lyrics – Cracks me up every time. I watch it often throughout the year, not just on my birthday. And while I would have loved if someone sent me this video as a birthday greeting I don’t think most people would have appreciated it.

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