The latest in thing is weighted blankets. The thought horrifies me yet ‘they’ say that weighted blankets help with insomnia and anxiety. The experts say “Weighted blankets offer deep pressure stimulation, a form of touch pressure that feels like a firm hug, a massage, or swaddling.” And that this feeling is a basic human need. Not this human!
Those of you who have know me for a while know that I do not like being hugged, to me it feels like I’m being assaulted. Massages? Not those either. I don’t like strangers touching me. I’m not too fond of non-strangers touching me either. No one touches me without express permission and I’m not always eager to grant it except that, you know, sometimes you have to let people do that shit.
I am big on holding hands tho. I’m a huge, dedicated hand-holder. I’m also a leaner. I will lean on people, ever so gently, but lean I do. I will lean my shoulder into another person’s shoulder – ever so lightly, ever so gently. It’s enough for me.
Over the years people have always commented that my husband and I are always holding hands – and we are. My husband is not a big ‘toucher’ or hugger either – he’s not a physically affectionate person, so we are well matched in that aspect.
I like the fact that when I blindly put my hand out my husband’s hand is always there. My husband is a big guy, as in tall not fat, so when I tilt a little, and lean, he is substantial enough to be a comforting presence. Maybe that’s why I have always had a preference for super tall men – a human tree for me to lean against. Maybe that’s why I like trees – deeply rooted living things that I can lean against and they will hold me up.
Oh my goodness how philosophical that all is.
But weighted down? Unable to move freely and easily? Swaddled, hugged? No, that is panic attack time for me. Terrifying even to think about.
Why? I have a very good idea why, years of psychotherapy have given me the why. Maybe all of that hugging, swaddling, touching stuff is a human need but just not this human.
I will tho hold your hand, and you can even hold mine. It’s enough.