Not this human

The latest in thing is weighted blankets. The thought horrifies me yet ‘they’ say that weighted blankets help with insomnia and anxiety. The experts say “Weighted blankets offer deep pressure stimulation, a form of touch pressure that feels like a firm hug, a massage, or swaddling.” And that this feeling is a basic human need. Not this human!

Those of you who have know me for a while know that I do not like being hugged, to me it feels like I’m being assaulted. Massages? Not those either. I don’t like strangers touching me. I’m not too fond of non-strangers touching me either. No one touches me without express permission and I’m not always eager to grant it except that, you know, sometimes you have to let people do that shit.

I am big on holding hands tho. I’m a huge, dedicated hand-holder. I’m also a leaner. I will lean on people, ever so gently, but lean I do. I will lean my shoulder into another person’s shoulder – ever so lightly, ever so gently. It’s enough for me.

Over the years people have always commented that my husband and I are always holding hands – and we are. My husband is not a big ‘toucher’ or hugger either – he’s not a physically affectionate person, so we are well matched in that aspect.

I like the fact that when I blindly put my hand out my husband’s hand is always there. My husband is a big guy, as in tall not fat, so when I tilt a little, and lean, he is substantial enough to be a comforting presence. Maybe that’s why I have always had a preference for super tall men – a human tree for me to lean against. Maybe that’s why I like trees – deeply rooted living things that I can lean against and they will hold me up.

Oh my goodness how philosophical that all is.

But weighted down? Unable to move freely and easily? Swaddled, hugged? No, that is panic attack time for me.  Terrifying even to think about.

Why? I have a very good idea why, years of psychotherapy have given me the why. Maybe all of that hugging, swaddling, touching stuff is a human need but just not this human.

I will tho hold your hand, and you can even hold mine. It’s enough.

 

8 thoughts on “Not this human

  1. I haven’t heard of weighted blankets for quite some time so I thought that fad had passed. I hate being constricted so those are definitely not for me! When Isabella lays right beside me making the covers tight, I make her move. I can handle them laying on me because I’m still free to move my arms and legs in either direction but beside me, nope! As for hugging, you know I’m a hugger. I’m a hand holder too. But I know that if I ever get the pleasure to meet you, I’ll refrain from hugging!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been getting all kinds of notices in my ‘steals and deals’ emails about weighted blankets these past few days…still a thing and currently many are on sale. We all know how much I hate being constricted and confined – I finally broke down and bought some, I hope, lightweight sheets to go with my super-duper lightweight but warm blankie. I’m not crazy about polyester but my fleece blanket is so light and airy I hardly know it’s there – unless it somehow gets bunched up around my neck and face! (yeah, let’s not do the huggy thing, but we can sit next to each other and I can lean on your shoulder ever so gently.)

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  2. Weighted blankets make sense to me although I’ve not heard of them before. I do know that in winter I like the feel of many layers over me, as long as none are tucked in to I can still get loose quickly if I need to. My brother, as a young baby, would not sleep unless my dad’s hand was on his shoulder. Dad counteracted with a slipper on the shoulder as soon as brother was asleep.
    I don’t mind being hugged, but not for long and certainly not by strangers; we weren’t a hugging family while I was growing up, so I didn’t hug my children much either. I wish I had now. I’m not a hand-holder either, to me that feels like “I’ve got you, you can’t get away”

    Liked by 1 person

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