The fun thing I had planned for the empty wall space.

See it? It is called a collage frame. The brand is Umbra and I could only find it at Bed, Bath and Beyond. The photos attach with tiny clips and you can arrange the photos however you like. It came with 12 clips and a mounting thingy which would have required us to make a big hole in the wall. We declined to do that and used a regular picture frame hook. Not as attractive as the mounting piece they provided but easier.

I printed out some of my favorite photos as well as putting up the photo card of the Baby Princess. So we got 3 Baby Princess pics, 2 pics of my husband with each of the cats and my favorite photo of me, when I was 6, smack dab in the middle there. I actually have the original of the photo of me but it is larger.

The fun thing is that it is easy peasy to change the photos at will or whim and whimsy. You can clip just about anything you want up there. There are all shapes and sizes of these collage frames, available from many sources, I just fell for this particular one. Of course you crafty folks could probably make one.

Some simple things

Make me happy and some other stuff doesn’t thrill my soul but I’m getting used to it.

We switched, some months ago, from the one-cup, k-cup beverage system back to the old Mr. Coffee-type drip beverage system. The upside is the saving of money, and for all the green-eco freaks, no more unrecyclable used k-cups. Also up-side, better tasting coffee. Still – coffee upsets my stomach. I’m drinking a medium roast now and I may switch to a light roast. “So why drink coffee at all?”, you ask. Because I like the taste of coffee.

Therefore, I now only drink coffee in the morning, the rest of the day I drink tea. Now that I no longer use honey (too much sugar, too many calories and honey just isn’t that good for you) my tea of choice has become herbal fruit teas. My stash is running really low but !oh joy! My supermarket just had a sale on Celestial Seasonings teas. A 20-count box at $2 each – that’s 10¢ a bag. Score! I bought six boxes of tea – all different fruit flavors. Now when I make a cup of tea, I pull out my tray of teas – and smile at my lovely collection – the big question being which flavor do I try now. I’m a simple person, simple things make me happy.

Now – what is not thrilling my soul. I decided to re-arrange the ‘living room’ furniture to accommodate my husband’s very shaky left hand.  I had to arrange the furniture so I could put a side table on his right side. I put living room in quotes because we don’t actually have one. We do have one very large room that is somewhat L-shaped. We have always had all the furniture flush to the wall which left the center of the room open. I’ve always had furniture arranged this way because I like open space, so I just shove everything against the walls and there you go. (And no I have never ever had a coffee table. Narrow side tables that you don’t stub your toe on or bark your shins on is my preference.)

This is how the ‘living room’ looks now –

All of that stuff used to be in a straight line, flush to the wall, except my husband’s honking big recliner, that used to be between his desks and the sofa, angled into the room. (Opposite the recliner is a short wall which is where the television is. And no, the television can’t be relocated because – it’s a long story, trust me you don’t want to sit through the explanation.)

And while this configuration doesn’t thrill my soul, I’m getting used to it. Would I rather everything be in a nice straight line along the wall, the way it used to be? Yes, I would but – you do what you gotta do.

As for the big empty space on the wall? I’ve got plans for that – should be fun, stayed tuned.

Just in case you are bemoaning

the state of the world,  rest assured there is nothing new under the sun. I offer you some quotes from one of my favorite cynics, Ambrose Bierce.

“Cynic:  A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.”

“What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.”

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

“Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

“President: The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.”

“Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

“Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.”

“Prejudice – a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.”

And on a slightly different note but one dear to my heart –  about which I was planning to write  but instead prepared that which you are reading at the moment:

“Positivism: A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent”

 

Is the glass half full or half empty?

It is said to be a matter of perception. And that how a person perceives the volume of liquid in a glass is somehow indicative of that person’s world view.

I personally think that is silly shit. And do professional therapists really make a judgement of a patient’s basic optimism or pessimism based on their assessment of how much liquid is in a glass? It’s a metaphor and I’m not a metaphor person. (Meaning of metaphor: “a thing regarded as representative or symbolic of something else, especially something abstract.”)

Googling around, my assessment of the value of the ‘glass half empty/half full’ construct is not supported – fancy that. LOL Three or 4 or seven citations all hold to the optimism/pessimism/world view interpretation.

But I have always styled myself as a pragmatist (pragmatic: “dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations”.) I describe my pragmatism as a lack of imagination – what you see is what you get, what is, IS and mostly it means nothing more than what it means. (a rose by any other name is still a rose…)

Yet I did find an enchanting interpretation of this phrase – much of which I do not understand. The article in question starts out with – “Traditionally, the optimist sees the glass as half full while the pessimist sees it as half empty. This has spawned a zillion joke variants—e.g., the engineer sees a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be, the surrealist sees a giraffe eating a necktie, etc.”

The part that I don’t completely understand has to do with physics, and the article ends with “The lesson: If the optimist says the glass is half full, and the pessimist says the glass is half empty, the physicist ducks.”

If you’d like to read the article for yourself, you can find it at What If? (glass half empty)

Round and round we go – Is it the filling of a glass? The emptying of a glass? A matter of how thirsty you are? Or a metaphor for possibilities? Or…

Let it go – Choosing not to respond.

I am trying really hard to not rain on someone else’s parade. Been trying for almost a week now and succeeding. But it is still stuck in my craw.

If you grew up being physically and emotionally abused, and the emotional abuse continued into adulthood then you know what I’m talking about.

It doesn’t matter how many hours you spent on that therapist’s couch. It doesn’t matter how you rationalize it to yourself. It doesn’t matter how you use your intelligence, your own psychology training, your own inner strength – You are still THERE.

So when you see, online, a paean to your abuser, filled with misinformation about everything including a recipe (a recipe for god’s sake) the anger rises. When you see people comment positively on the subject of the post (my abuser), saying what an amazing person they are, the inner you screams “You wanna know the truth. I’ll tell you the truth – about everything!”

But you don’t. I didn’t. Why rain on the writer’s parade? They want to believe the lies they were told – let them. They have their story which they love, I’m guessing. My story impacts them very little.

Or maybe it has affected them more than we both know – and do we need to?

That is the question for me – does the writer of that post really need to know my truth when she has her own. And when her own truth is mostly positive. I’m assuming her truth is mostly positive because I was not witness to her relationship with my abuser, only witness to her loving paen.

No. She doesn’t need to know my truth. Or even that manicotti is NOT cannelloni – two different things girlie, two different things. Just as our relationship with the person in the post are two different realities.

I can’t let go of my past anymore than I can let go of a piece of my DNA.

There may come a time when the writer of that post may come to me and ask about the past, about my truth. As I sit now, I don’t think I would share. Just as I won’t share now. I won’t rain on her parade. I won’t comment on that post. I won’t correct even the innocuous errors, such as the date of her grandfather’s death or the difference between cannelloni and manicotti or even her grandmother’s past (no, my father was not my mother’s first “gentleman caller”, and no, my mother did not learn to cook from her mother or grandmother, and no – oh, hell the girl got not one fact correct except that, indeed, my mother won many dance contests in her youth.)

So – no parade raining. No fact checking.

Still – the anger is there. But it’s my anger. And it is more than memories, it is ingrained. It is who I am. Who I always will be. It’s hard to move on when there is nowhere to move on to.