Oh happy day!

The countertops were just installed and it’s starting to look a lot like a kitchen is close to completion. Still a bunch of work to be done, backsplash, plumbing, appliances – but still looking good! (The countertop installer guy was funny – he said “This is the first kitchen I’ve seen without a dishwasher”
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We definitely need to lighten up here

And while I am very funny in person I don’t write funny…What makes me happy, amongst many things, are cute animal photos. Okay, not an unusual thing – we all succumb to the cute. This elevated my mood this morning –
cat friends

Can you even ūüíú I snagged that from a slideshow on Shareably and if you don’t have your own stash of sweet animal photos to lift your spirits today, try these.

You are so very welcome!

Even more family dysfunction

Today is October 1st. The mother, if she is still alive, is 102.

I looked up my niece on FB and last December she posted a photo of her and her grandmother – if the picture was current then the mother was still alive then. She could have died between then and now, I have no way of knowing.

Yes, I could ask my niece but I promised her I would not contact her. “Why not?” you say. Well, her father is my elder male sibling, who I have not spoken to in over 40 years – in my opinion, and from my experience, he is not someone I would care to be associated with.

Some years ago I was in contact on a regular basis with my niece, a very accomplished woman, but it was causing conflict with her father so I backed off. The woman just doesn’t need that kind of drama in her life not do I wish to be the cause of any such drama.

I haven’t spoken to my younger brother is something like 4 years. I love my brother dearly, I raised him. If he needed a heart transplant I would volunteer, and as much as I would die for him I don’t want to interact with him anymore. I am too old for his drama. He is a very angry man, has been since forever. And I can’t deal with it. His anger causes him to be abusive towards me and quite frankly I’ve had enough abuse from family members.

For years I have suggested my brother seek professional counseling – he blows up, yells, screams, hollers abuse. I stopped suggesting it. His anger has thoroughly effed up his life; he is deeply unhappy. But I can no longer suffer from his unhappiness and anger. It is debilitating for me, it is unhealthy for me.

But I worry about him, and to some extent I do miss him – I just can’t bear the anger anymore.

So I sit and wonder about my family – the ones I love and the ones I am merely curious about because I am perverse that way.

Happy October (?)

Dichotomy/Cognitive Dissonance/First Rate Intelligence

Dichotomy : a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.
Cognitive Dissonance: the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
First Rate Intelligence: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

My oppositeness has always puzzled me. It is hard to figure out who or what you are when the aspects of your personality are in such drastic opposition to each other. Or so they seem.

No one is all one thing or another, our personalities have myriad aspects  but I think we tend to be more one way than another. Yes? No?

In an online comment exchange recently it was observed that I have a very strong sense of self. And that is true. I have realized/noticed that myself and it puzzles me only because I have always lacked self-confidence, a sense of self worth or that I deserved anything good.

At home, I was told constantly that I was a worthless piece of shit. Fat. stupid, ugly, useless. I was encouraged to commit suicide. I used to get terrible migraine headaches and whenever the mother saw me taking a boatload of Bufferin she always remarked “Why don’t you take the whole bottle and kill yourself, you’re worthless”

Outside of home, I was told I was smart, talented, pretty even. I won prizes. People praised me and were really nice to me.

I can’t recall how I processed these opposing assessments. I suppose I didn’t. I just maintained two opposing beliefs/attitudes about myself at the same time.

No point to this really, just thought I would like to articulate it. My inferiority complex seems to co-exist quite comfortably with my superiority complex. Perhaps someone knows the psychology behind my dichotomy…which kinda rhymes.

 

For the first time in a month

We can actually see blue skies! I exaggerate only a tiny bit, in the last 28 days I do believe we had 2.5 consecutive days with NO rain Рthe rest of the month Рgrey skies, and rain  most of those days,

So with this beauteous weather I got to go out for a walk! Yay!

Everything is green and pretty much nothing else – all the color is gone except for green – hoo-boy is everything green. No Fall colors yet, leaves don’t show even a hint of changing, I did find this bit of color – a last hurrah I guess

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I noticed a lot of squirrels today and they were busy, busy, busy but the one alarming thing I noticed is – they are very tiny. They look the size of Spring squirrels not Fall squirrels. And I saw a lot of black squirrels which are not really native to the United States, much less Virginia. Normally they are smaller than grey squirrels and they are a whole heck of a lot faster. I love the the story of how black squirrels came to live in Northern Virginia. I was lucky to get a photo of this little feller (the zoom on my crap point and shoot sucks!)

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There is a lamp post on my walk that I totally love, me being a gargoyle fan – I played with the photo a lot – kinda fun I think

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Very popular in this area are ornamental grasses and they have grown like weeds, which maybe they are. I took a photo of some and then played with editing and posted it over on my photo blog if you want to take a quick peek.

Priorities

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The new fridge was quickly operational even if not in its¬†proper place, I’m not too sure how many folks keep their fridges in their living room.

The first order of business, aside from plugging it in, was arranging the carefully curated refrigerator decor. (If you want to be able to read my fridge you have to right click/open in new tab for the full size of the photo.) And, yes, everything on my fridge has been carefully chosen and reflects who my husband and I are.

For us old folks that calendar is an essential element of our lives – some months are chock-a-block with medical appointments, a mainstay of¬† the ‘social’ commitments of the elder life.

Most of the others were gifts from my husband to me – and the others were gifts from me to me…

So there’s my life – on my refrigerator door.

There is much joy in my world today

Many deliveries scheduled for today Рmy couch (which I showed you in this post) and my fridge and stove.

The couch had a delivery time of between 8 and Noon, it was here by 8:45am! Easy peasy delivery, unpack and put together – Joy! It needs *gag* throw pillows and I’ve bought those, they should be here by Friday. I’ll post a pic when the the couch is all decorated. I may have to crochet new kitty blankets because, as you may or may not remember, the couch is a washed grey with tangerine cushions and the kitty blankets are purple and yellow. The throw pillows I bought are silver grey – so with the kitty blankets, too many colors!

The fridge and stove had a delivery window of between 10am and 2pm, with the caveat that they might be late depending on other deliveries and traffic, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what bunkies? They were delivered at 10:45am! Bam!

We had to put the handles on the doors, I did that, because my husband, Mr. Shaky, couldn’t get the screws in. For someone who is not exactly Mr. Fix-it, my husband has many tool sets, one set, for some perverse reason has¬†square handles! Ever try putting in screws with a square handled screwdriver? I practically flung that thing across the room. Had to dig around for a screwdriver with a round handle – that worked, done and done.

If you’ve been riding along with me for all these years then you know I am a minimalist, basic, utilitarian person and my stove and fridge are the most basic of basic appliances. Pretty much like my kitchen reno – no bells and whistles. I am so happy.

New fridge is smaller than what we had because mostly our fridge was always pretty empty Рso I got an 18 cu ft, 30 inch wide Whirlpool. (If you click the link to see it and the specs, have no fear, I DID NOT pay the MSRP).

As for the stove – for the past 10 years I have been living with stoves that have power burners, the most exasperating feature on a stove. I’ve spent these years with the damn power burner stoves burning food. If you know how to cook then you don’t need no friggin’ power burner! Death to power burners! Finding a gas stove without these horrors was one hell of a trick but – we found a no bells and whistles stove¬†from Frigidaire. (Again, I did not pay the MSRP). This stove does have a ‘simmer’ burner but that’s okay, I actually find those useful.¬† The only thing more basic than this stove would be a camp fire. I love this!

So it has been a totally joyous day. Our kitchen reno job supervisor said there was a possibility that the countertops will be installed next Monday! It’s just a faint possibility because countertops can take up to 2 weeks to get prepared for installation but who knows, my luck and my joy might hold out.

I am one happy, happy camper today, you betcha!